I’ve been at the bottom for more than a decade and I’ve just started to realise how liberating it is. I used to be close to the top - significantly lower than the world’s best but high enough for me at least - but when I fell and failed to climb back up again, life to be frank has been hellish.

Physically, I’m fine. Basic physical needs are accounted for: food, water, shelter, and other essentials are sufficient for survival.

Mentally, I’m dying. No feeling of self-worth. An absence of purpose. Constantly torturing myself with self-criticisms and unfair comparisons with other people. It’s all a big mess I still can’t untangle after a decade of being stuck.

But there is a moment of clarity: I don’t need to satisfy anyone anymore. No one expects anything from a person at the bottom. And I don’t have anything else to lose. It’s impossible to drop myself any lower; the only way is up. The fact that there’s only upward movement puts the pep back in me. I’m free to live my own life and not society’s expectations of me. That’s close enough to a glimpse of hope.